Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (which will be referred to as ALVH from this point forward cause I'm lazy) is a fairly easy movie to judge. 


But first, let me tell you what I was expecting...


You see, once upon a time there was this huge, ginormous fad about vampires. It came, it hit hard, and it took over pop culture as we know it. If a movie sucked? Add some vampires. If the Ellen Degeneres show got boring? Add some freakin vampires! Looking to make some money off of some pre-teen girls and their moms? Make an entire book and movie series about vampires and be sure to make them sparkle! 


Personally, I'm over the vampire fad. And to be honest, I was never on the bandwagon in the first place. I wish Hollywood would think up a new terrifying monster other than werewolves, vampires, and ghosts...but I digress. 


ALVH comes from the director of Wanted. For those of you that dont know, Wanted is a phenomenal action film (albeit not without its problems). Not realistic at all, but that is what makes it fun. If you cry about the laws of physics being broken in movies, then I suggest you dont watch Timur Bekmambetov's movies. But damn does the guy know how to make a unique action scene.

"Oh dont mind me! Enjoy your book while I chop down this
tree by myself!"

Unfortunately, the action scenes are about the only stand-out part of ALVH. The plot twists and turns throughout Lincoln's history and does so with a surprising sense of accuracy. But the plot was basically as simple as it sounds (I'll give you a hint: the 16th President of the United States hunts vampires) and I did not find myself interested at all. The actors were not necessarily bad, I just dont think they had much to work with from the beginning. And none of them give anything remotely resembling a special performance. Benjamin Walker plays good ol' honest Abe and does well, but the main reason you believe it's him is because of all the aging makeup they use and not his charisma as an actor. 

"Woah man, look at those people reading this review"
"Yes...yes, they must be vampires. I shall jump out of the computer
and kill them now..."

Throughout the whole movie I found myself far more interested about when the next action scene was going to be. When was the next time that the $5 Man was going to be decapitating some ugly vampires? And thus, this is the problem with ALVH. The action scenes are so good, and the non-action scenes so poor, that as an audience member I was mentally begging for there to be an action scene right around the corner. 


There are also some very annoying problems with the movie that I noticed. The biggest one was scene transitioning. When your action scenes are edited so flawlessly and the audience always knows whats happening and who is where, how can your normal scenes be so aloof? It just seemed to me that a scene would end before it was over and we would be placed in the middle of the next scene. This didnt happen all of the time, but it was frequent enough to where it was starting to disorient me a little bit. Also, other than the train scene at the end, the special effects are poor, or at the least, very fake looking. A country side battle in the middle of a horse stampede looks like its straight out of the early 2000s. In this day and age, with movies like Prometheus and The Avengers having perfect-looking effects, the lower budgeted film effects really are obvious.

Guess what happens next. *Cough* Lincoln decapitates two
vampires with a single blow *Cough cough*

If you are looking for a surreal sight in a movie, ALVH provides you with the opportunity to see Lincoln himself; beard, hat, and all, killing vampires in bloody, gory fashion. Definitely not something you see at the movies every day. But once the novelty of that image wears off, you are left with a movie with no heart, and no sole purpose other than to pit Abe Lincoln against the withering-fad of vampires. Not even some of the summer's coolest action scenes can save this one from being highly mediocre movie-going fare. 


But hey, at least it's still got a better love story than Twilight. And that is definitely something I can sink my teeth into. 


Pros:

• Absolutely stunning action scenes. A New Orleans plantation slaughter and the final train ride come to mind
• Pretty damn cool watching an American icon slaying the undead
• The fact it is rated R. This is another movie that would not have worked if it was PG-13
• Historical accuracy is not only surprising, but it is welcome. The movie shines when it is involving real events

Cons:

• Forgettable story and cast of characters. I was never moved to care about anything other than when the next action scene was coming
• Scene transitions were awkward
• The "graininess" of the film style was super annoying 
• Pretty poor CGI in some scenes
• The fact that this film was done instead of Wanted 2

Rath's Review Score: 6/10