Equipped with an N95 mask underneath my cloth mask, and a powerful determination to not touch my face, I traveled to a local Regal cinema on a Thursday evening for the first time since March.
Oddly enough, it seems like the "firsts" in the COVID era are always the most nerve-racking. I'd heard a lot about how unsafe movie theaters are (mainly because of circulated air and the extended period of time) but if I'm being honest, I feel much more "unsafe" in grocery stores where I'm coming into far closer contact with a more significant number of people. The theater I arrived at last night should be commended...I didn't have to touch a single door to get to my movie, used my phone for my ticket, there were hand sanitation stands everywhere you turned, and I was at least 2 whole rows away from anyone else. Aside from having to get a parking ticket and validate it - they probably should have just left the gate open - there wasn't a single thing that I felt that haunting "germiness" about in these strange times.
Once in the theater - which had probably 10 people total - it felt strange, yet wonderful to be back, particularly with a mask. I got more used to its extended usage than I thought I would, but I definitely can't wait until I don't have to wear the damn thing anymore. But it was nice to be back where you can watch a film, free of distractions, on a big, loud screen. In general, I've been impressed with how Colorado has handled the pandemic, and this is just one of our rewards - the ability to travel safely to a non-essential pastime. I don't necessarily disagree with the experts that theaters can be unsafe, but after the initial 10 minutes last night, I felt safer in the theater than I had in most public instances over the past few months.
As for the movie? Yeah, well, you can't win them all. After skipping Unhinged last weekend, I decided to make time for New Mutants this week. It's a film that has existed for a while now, (it was filmed in 2017) and has had several different release dates and delays as far back as April 2018. So, over two and a half years later we're finally getting to see what this movie is all about. Is it that bad that it got delayed so many times?
The answer is: not really, but it's incredibly forgettable, which is perhaps its biggest sin.
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| When you have the time for visual effects, they turn out pretty great... |
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| And now introducing...the most uninteresting band of mutants of them all! |
Either way, what we're left with is a film that feels like it's consistently checking the boxes. New girl has to deal with mean girl? Check. New girl makes a friend? Check. New girl falls in love? Check. Character backstory for each teen? Check. Mysterious doctor with unknown motives? Check. Teen angst taken out by rebelling? Check. Final showdown? Check. It all felt very routine. Given that we're in a pandemic and most moviegoers are only going to go to theaters for special stuff, it blows my mind that this was not released on VOD for $20 early on. It's likely it could have made more money that way. I know there are "complications" about who owns it and what not - but that's red tape that can be circumvented. For the sake of this film, they should have found a way, but I imagine Disney just wants to be rid of the last remaining X-Men dump from Fox so they can start fresh.
There are some bright spots however. The cast is enjoyable, even through a painfully dull script. You've got Maisie Williams in a prominent role and likely some other faces you'll recognize. As she usually is, Anya Taylor-Joy is the standout and probably about the only mutant I would have "voted" to make it into the real series. She brings a lot of sass to the character, particularly with her tall frame, but we know she's talented, so there's depth there too. The visuals were surprisingly great too which I imagine is a side effect of having so much time to sit on the backburner.
The New Mutants is probably all the proof you need that - despite your feelings on the acquisition - Disney will do a lot better by the X-Men than Fox has in the last several installments, save for a handful of standouts (and Deadpool). This greatly mediocre film doesn't have much to say or do and would have been a flop for Fox trying to kick start a new series regardless. It's a shame for those involved that their movie has essentially been "dumped" but it's now clear as to why it was no ones priority in the first place.
CONS
- Tries to be too many things at once. Doesn't do any of them more than adequately
- Feels like it's just there to check boxes for storytelling and common tropes of the genres it's using
- Stuck in this limbo of not meaning anything in the bigger picture anymore. With no sequels in sight, it has even less purpose
- Fairly boring
- Actors and actresses bring as much as they can to the script. Anya Taylor-Joy was by far my favorite character and the only mutant I'd want to actually see again
- Has some exciting/fun elements throughout. Not a total drag
- Mostly good visuals
- Surprising, subtle connection to other films, but the timeline doesn't really work so...
Rath's Review Score | 5.5/10
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