As I mentioned in my review of On Her Majesty's Secret Service, the lore behind Bond both as a character and as a film series is keeping me highly intrigued in my review "dump" of all these oldies during this time where we have almost no new films (more are coming in December) and while they're free on Prime Video.
Diamonds Are Forever sees the return of Sean Connery after Lazenby dropped out of the role after one film. At the time, he was paid a record setting $1.25 million to return which immediately puts into context how insane Robert Downey Jr's Endgame $50-75 million deal was. Given the investment to "recreate" the magic of Goldfinger (which is the best Bond film thus far in 1971) by getting Guy Hamilton (director) and Shirley Bassey (singer of Bond tunes) back, on top of Connery, it reads as if the series was floundering and trying to recreate old magic.
Often, that's not the best recipe for success and Diamonds Are Forever might have been one of the more disappointing sequels back in the day given the "return" of Connery and the talent behind the camera resulting in something completely forgettable.
Diamonds Are Forever's first and most immediate sin is that it ignores the tragic ending of the previous film that - for the first time in a Bond film thus far - had humanized the womanizing spy. There's no mention of Tracy or Bond being married and throughout the film he's back to his womanizing ways. This wasn't all that surprising to me given that On Her Majesty's Secret Service aged better over time, but it was disappointing that it was completely abandoned. Instead we get Bond travelling to Las Vegas - mainly Fremont Street, not the "strip" that we all think of now - trying to unravel a drab yarn about diamond smuggling.
Blofeld returns in his most unimposing appearance yet. It doesn't help that he's now had 3(!) actors portray him so, for all intents and purposes, he might as well be a "villain of the week". Here he's also ignored any past from OHMSS - and really any other Bond films for that matter - and is apparently cloning himself via plastic surgery, which is a subplot that's abandoned awkwardly. His satellite made of diamonds that can shoot a laser down anywhere is goofy, even by Connery-Bond standards, and the budget for this film must have been soaked up elsewhere *cough Connery's salary cough cough* because the special effects for the laser are some of the worst I've ever seen. I got a good laugh out of them, but wow...just bad. It all results in a semi-comedic showdown between Blofeld and Bond where they feel borderline chummy with each other and the whole premise just doesn't work. Then there's a pair of awkward assassins that - for the life of me - I couldn't tell you what they're there for. Oh and did I mention Blofeld is in some hilariously awful drag at one point?
OMG Bond, you need an oxygen tank!!
Aside from the mess of a plot, the performances are lackluster too. Connery is...fine...but it also feels like he's going through the motions to cash the $1.25 million. Then we have Jill St. John as "Bond girl" Tiffany Case who, despite her looks, is awful. Her acting is laughable, particularly when expressions are needed she oversells them to kingdom come, and in general is a bimbo character as opposed to some of the more powerful Bond girls in recent films (i.e. Tracy, Kissy, etc.). They have some chemistry to a certain degree, but, much like is the case for most of this film, they are forgettable compared to the past. 
"I've changed appearances 3 times at
this point so just trust that I'm Blofeld!"
Diamonds Are Forever also takes a step backward in the action, aside from one scene. Whereas OHMSS started off rough with the awkward beach brawl, it ended with a tremendous and exciting ski/car/foot/bobsled chase that was some of the best action Bond had committed to screen yet. So for the follow up where we get Connery back? There's an awkward space rover/tricycle chase that reminded me of the slowness of Thunderball (without the added benefit of being underwater) along with a awkwardly staged and executed helicopter attack on an oil rig at the end that also features some of the awful explosion effects that cripple the diamond satellite you're supposed to take seriously. Sure, there are some real explosions that are Michael-Bay-esque, but overall it's a boring finale. It's clear they put their action-eggs in the basket of the Fremont Street car chase where Bond attempts to outrun numerous police vehicles. This particular chase has the "pizzazz" you'd expect from a Vegas location, with the lights of the casinos shining the streets as Bond does plenty of doughnuts and sharp turns to evade police. It's very exciting and well staged and filmed, with some iconic moments (two wheeling the Mustang anyone?) and is the clear highlight in a film that's lacks them otherwise.
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| Sean Connery not caring about how much he wins at this table because he got paid $1+ million to be in this movie regardless... |
CONS
- The story is nonsense and commits two sins. 1) It completely ignores OHMSS great setup and 2) Features a lame core plot about a diamond satellite + many subplots that are dropped
- Blofeld, featuring the third different actor, is no longer a threatening villain. At the end of this film, he might as well be as comedic as Wile E. Coyote
- Connery feels like he's going through the motions and St. John is lovely, but an awful actor and her Bond girl is a ditz
- Lame action for the most part
- Truly awful special effects
- Vegas - back in the day - is a boring locale
- Connery is still a commanding Bond, even just going through the motions
- Exciting car chase along Fremont street that is the film's highlight
- Makes good use of the Bond theme
- Some good laughs from the extreme camp
Retro Rath's Review Score | 5/10
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