Baywatch

It's no question that sex sells. Just how much it sells, we'll see this weekend with an R-rated Baywatch. 

Equally as obvious is that there are a handful of times throughout the year that I disagree with critics. Sometimes vehemently, sometimes only slightly. 

Baywatch is one of those films, and probably the most glaring example thus far in 2017. It's currently getting ripped to shreds by most mainstream critics, so much so by some that it makes me wonder if they entered the theater already hating it. 

That's really neither here nor there though because that's their opinion and this is my site, so alas, this is my opinion. 

Baywatch was never going to set the world on fire. I never expected it to. Best case scenario was that we'd be getting a smart, gut-busting comedy that rips on the show that made it, a la 21 Jump Street or 22 Jump Street. It is unfortunate then (especially if that's how you approached the film) that Baywatch is not that. It's not nearly as smart, not nearly as funny, and doesn't carry the longevity of multiple viewings like those two near-classics do. 

But Baywatch is still fun, fairly hilarious, sexy, and a very enjoyable one-time view of a film. Certainly not a disaster. If you want an actual bad movie, comedy specifically, take a gander at Movie 43 or Hot Tub Time Machine 2. Those are true atrocities.

All Baywatch is guilty of is trying to have a good time and lacking much wit or ambition in the process. 

You're welcome, ladies.

Admittedly, there are a lot of things Baywatch could have done better to be an overall better movie. For starters, it's too long and could have used a 10 minute trimming. It also has a questionably low joke hit rate. I'd say that most of the jokes are amusing; they'll put a smile on your face. Only a handful though make you laugh audibly, but those ones are keepers. Unfortunately, and I was hoping this wouldn't be the case, if you've seen the trailers, you've likely seen much of film's "highlight reel", albeit slightly out of context. The jokes are mostly juvenile (doesn't mean they're not funny) and I think there were some major missed opportunities to mock the old TV show similar to the way the Jump Street films did so well. It's also a fairly low-stakes film too that feels like an extended TV episode with a much bigger budget. It's not like we ever expected these "Avengers of the Beach" (Johnson's words, not mine) to save the world, but it never feels like there's all that much danger. Toss in some God-awful CGI and you've successfully rounded out my list of complaints for the film. It definitely has its issues and they all culminate into the fact that I likely wouldn't watch it a second time. 

I also like long strolls on the beach...

But I'd sure as hell see a sequel. The cast is a blast and holy hell are they all sexy. Men. Women. All audience members get their cake in this one and, quite frankly, they're all good looking enough that sometimes a scene is fine as is just sitting there and oogling them. Efron and Johnson have good chemistry and are solid leads for the film. It's neither of their funniest performances, but they each have their moments. Johnson plays the Hasselhoff role of Mitch Buchannon and gets plenty of time shirtless, saving people, and being a hero. It's clear he has a power complex where he thinks he's the police when he's really just a glorified lifeguard and it's here that the film could have had some great fun at his expense. Missed opportunity as I mentioned before. Efron plays a Ryan-Lochte-type ex-Olympic swimmer who's trying to come to grips with needing to grow up. The rest of cast would be considered "supporting" and they do fine with the material they're given. Jon Bass is pretty funny as the everyman with a dad bod, Alexandra Daddario has probably the next largest role to Efron and Johnson and is fun (and gorgeous), Iflenesh Hadera is fine as the co-veteran of the team with Johnson (and also gorgeous), Priyanka Chopra is certainly having fun as the villain (again...gorgeous), and Kelly Rohrbach is basically an angel and I couldn't even concentrate on what she was saying half the time (so yeah...also very gorgeous). Truthfully, it's the cast and their camaraderie and star power that elevate this film and they're the main reason I'd be totally on board for another adventure. 

You're welcome, gentleman.

The movie has also got some pretty funny, raunchy parts that again, range from amusing to hilarious. I wouldn't say all that many jokes fail outright, but some don't get the level of laughs they seek. My theater was pretty consistently chuckling though and so were the girlfriend and I. It's here that makes the film less re-watchable -- I don't have any one liners that I may have missed and need to go back through and find -- but it still does its job to put a smile on your face. The action, when it does happen, can be pretty snazzy. Nothing you'll remember and probably too much slow-mo, but I don't think anyone was ever heading to this for the action. There's also a pretty bangin` (don't worry -- I hate myself for using that word too) soundtrack that gives some life to various scenes throughout. 

Baywatch is ultimately exactly what it advertises. It's sexy, fun, decently funny, superficial, shallow, and ultimately forgettable. It's the movie you don't mind seeing on TV one day. Part of me wishes it had been the comedy that the Jump Street movies were, but part of me is also glad that it was just a fun, airy time at the theater. If anything, it'll probably make you want to hit the gym since none of us look like any of them. 

[Furiously reps push-ups at my desk]

CONS

• Slightly too long for a comedy
• The marketing for this one blew a lot of the best parts of the movie
• Low stakes with a simple plot. Never feels all that dramatic
• About half of the jokes fail to hit the level of laughs they intend to
• Missed opportunities when it comes to mocking the show
• Awful special effects

PROS

• Great cast with fun chemistry. They're all beautiful which is honestly enough for me in some scenes. The goes double for Rohrbach
• Johnson and Efron are a fun duo. I'd like to see them work together again
• Has its genuinely funny moments
• Entertaining action
• Fitting soundtrack
• Lighthearted fun that, while forgettable, is still entertaining

Rath's Review Score | 7/10