Hot Tub Time Machine 2

I knew that my number was up...

I knew that, sooner or later, I was going to have to witness a film that just made me angry.

Angry because of how awful it is.

Dumb and Dumber To nearly did this last year, but I would say that viewing had a sadder note of disappointment along with it.

Really though, I've been lucky. I haven't seen a film truly as bad as Movie 43 for quite some time. In fact, I'd say I really haven't gotten all that close to the atrocity of that film which is the only film so far to receive a "0/10 -- Embarrasses Humanity" rating from me.

It must be my movie karma for enjoying the hell out of Kingsman so much last weekend...

Either way, please know that this will be less like a review and more like a rant (most likely with coarse language). I apologize in advance, but when a movie is as truly terrible as Hot Tub Time Machine 2 I believe my displeasure is well warranted.

You see, the original Hot Tub Time Machine was a quirky, kinda-sorta fun, unique comedy that had some merits, sure, but was incredibly forgettable. I saw it years later again on TV and found that it wasn't as funny the second time around, but I admit I still chuckled a few times. But in no way did I feel it warranted a sequel...especially in a world where we don't even have Dodgeball or Zoolander sequels yet. But low and behold, Hollywood thought it would "cash in" (pretty sure the first one didn't even make that much money) with this sequel, minus the main character played by John Cusack.

In an alternative universe far better than ours, this film didn't get made.

Quality of this music video = same quality
of the actual movie

Rather than make the wise decision and rotate Clark Duke into the lead -- who is VERY funny given the right script (i.e. Sexdrive), the geniuses behind this gem decided to make Rob Corddry's Lou the pivotal character, much to my dismay. I won't even try to hide it. I pretty much hate Rob Corddry...or at least 99.9% of the characters that he plays. At this point, he is so typecast as the "a**hole" that I think he might actually be one in real life. Lou is no exception and his character is one that I sincerely can't stand. The whole film is designed to use time travel to prevent Lou's death. Meanwhile in my theater seat I'm just asking, "Why not just let him die?". Even worse is that the other characters are utterly wasted. Where Craig Robinson, who is usually hilarious, and Clark Duke (see my comments of praise above) were the providers of some solid laughs in the first film, they are useless here, with neither uttering a single phrase or one-liner that made me even crack a smile. Adam Scott, who is genuinely funny on Parks and Recreation, among other things, is also completely lifeless here with, you guessed it, 0 (zilch, nada) laughs. Knowing that all of these actors can be funny (other than Corddry), that leaves the script to blame which sums up to little more than d**k jokes recycled over and over. But you know what? I generally laugh at d**k jokes! Guess what? They can actually be funny! But not d**k jokes that sound like they are spewed from the mouth of an 11 year old who just learned his first naughty word. Sincerely, this is the most UNFUNNY comedy film I have ever seen. Even Movie 43 made me laugh on a few occasions. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 however? One time, and it was a chortle at best.

Similar look that I had for much of the film ^^
I was trying to figure out who actually thought the bulls**t
on screen was remotely funny...

In case you are wondering why
the film is getting any points at
all? You can thank her ^

As you may have guessed, I thought the film's plot was stupid too. It pretty much continues right after the first film when all the guys use time travel to become successful. From there, it butchers its way through any time travel logic that an ape could surmise and comes up with reasons to go do drugs, drink, have sex, and make more painfully unfunny d**k jokes while running every other non-d**k joke into the ground. Again, I ask the question, "Why is Lou worth saving?". The film attempts to make me "have the feels" at the end which is only indicated by some Full House-esque sappy music over the continually abysmal dialogue of "I love you man but here is another unfunny d**k joke." For f**k's sake, I had more "feels" in last weekend's 50 Shades of Grey and that's a film who's plot might as well be about NOT FEELING.

I don't have high blood pressure, but I feel I might if I continue writing this review.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is a waste of time and money and the quintessential example of an "unnecessary sequel"...and this is coming from someone who often defends sequels. I truly wish the best for all involved that they can, at some point in the future, redeem themselves somehow, because they are all better than this.

Except Rob Corrdry.

Or maybe I just hate his character of Lou that much...

CONS:

• Can I say everything? [checks Rath's Reviews manual] No? Ok. The script is, and I'm quoting Morgan Freeman from The LEGO Movie here: "just...the worst"
• No one comes out of this with their dignity in tact. Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, and Adam Scott are all MUCH funnier than this -- again I circulate to: who wrote this f**king script?!
• Rob Corrdry's Lou is one of the most annoying characters in cinematic history. I would rather have a Jar-Jar Binks standalone film than a film where Lou is the main character. Low and behold, Hot Tub Time Machine 2 was made to kick me straight in the metaphorical nuts apparently
• A useless plot that only exists to give the characters excuses to act dumb
• Follows no time travel logic at all (honestly, what was I expecting)
• Completely useless cameos
• Probably the most unfunny comedy I've ever seen

PROS:

• The "Nerd Song" was the only thing to make me laugh a little bit
• I award an entire, and single, point to the girl you see above, Bianca Haase. Why? Because she is insanely attractive. So sue me

Rath's Review Score: 1/10