G.I. Joe Retaliation

G.I. Joe Retaliation (which will be referred to as Retaliation for the remainder of the post because that name is obnoxiously long) is a hard movie to grade. It feels like it should have separate grades for the different aspects and story lines of the film. 

On a side note...you know what's not hard to do? Vote in the user poll on the right side of your screen! Please and thank you!

I should come out and get a few things out of the way first. For starters, I never saw the original G.I. Joe but I have hardly ever heard any good things about it. It sounds like it was near the Battleship-bad territory. I probably should have watched it before this one because there were a few characters that I was unfamiliar with, especially since I didn't play with the toys when I was a kid. Also, Retaliation as a whole is preposterous. Im sure you all already knew that from the trailers, but suffice it to say that Retaliation isn't afraid to go big...like WAY big. Without spoilery specifics, it kills off main characters, goes absolutely nuts with nuclear launching, and levels one of the most international cities in the world. I was pretty surprised/impressed actually with just how much they were willing to risk in the plot. 

All that being said, the movie still seems very divided. So, I will be doing a special type of review today where I grade it on three aspects: the G.I. Joe portions of the film (which are mainly the beginning, some of the middle, and the end), the ninja portions of the film (basically throughout the middle), and the action. Let's get started...

They didn't think that Johnson's arms were big
enough for this scene so they had me stand in as a double
for him. True story!

G.I. JOES:

STUNNING

I might as well get this out of the way now...but who is Adrianne Palicki and why isn't she in more movies?! Absolutely stunning, even when she has dirt on her face and a gun in her hand...actually now that I think about it, that makes her even hotter. Anyways, she gets the G.I. Joe section a point. 

Unfortunately, there are some significant problems to this section. The plot is far better than the ninja portion, but it's still just your typical action movie (except for some of the extreme measures taken at the end). So and so has nukes...OMG we were betrayed...I want revenge...and on and on and on. I guess I should have known what to expect, but I still wish for more sometimes. Next up on the "no-no" list is that the script is pretty terrible in this part, specifically when the villains are talking together. It could not have been cheesier and there could have not been less funny insults. There is one shining moment however, and that is the banter between Duke (Tatum) and Roadblock (Johnson). It felt genuine and it was actually pretty funny. So it surprises me as to why they didn't continue it: must...stay...spoiler...free!!! And that leads me to my next point: both Channing Tatum and Bruce Willis are horribly underused. Tatum has a ton of charisma and star power; girls and guys like watching him nowadays. And as for Bruce Willis; his introduction as the original G.I. Joe reminds me of the farting noise that comes out of a deflating balloon. "That's his introduction?" I asked myself. He does participate in the action a bit more, but still I felt like his role was borderline pointless and you don't give Bruce Willis a pointless role.

All negatives aside, Dwayne Johnson does his thing here and shoots some metaphorical adrenaline into the franchise, although not nearly as well or effectively as he did in Fast Five. He is a badass, he can lead a movie well, and he has turned into a convincing actor. So I repeat, Hollywood, why the HELL is there not a God of War movie with Johnson as Kratos being planned? Do I need to make this insanely successful future-trilogy myself? 

SCORE: 6.5/10

NINJAS:

This is is easily the worst part in the movie and brings it down significantly. Keep in mind I am talking about the action as my third point, so this section is dedicated to everything else. As with the G.I. Joes part, this part features a poor script, worse actually. It's plot is absolutely unnecessary and was designed specifically for the action set pieces, there's no doubt about it. I was beginning to really dislike these sections (action aside) because they were really taking me out of the arguably better G.I. Joe story. Eventually the two stories merge before the ending, but it still felt like they went the long way about it. There is also a cameo by RZA as a kung-fu master and it is one of the worst cameos I have ever seen. His acting could have been bested by a 2-year-old and it was a far cry from his significantly better, albeit still pretty mediocre, performance in The Man With the Iron Fists. Just a really dumb casting decision.

SCORE: 2.5/10

One of the best scenes of the year so far. One of the most visually impressive in 3D. One of
the most original action set pieces I have seen in a while. I have a lot of praise for this part, clearly.

ACTION:

Retaliation is directed by Jon M. Chu, who previously directed Step Up 3D (a series of which I am a big fan of, or the dancing segments at least). So it should come as no surprise that the action in this film is inventive, rhythmic, and awesome. The running-and-gunning parts have some awesome rolls, gunshots, punches, etc and I was like a giddy kid. I love a good action scene, and even better, I love an action scene that I can follow. Retaliation accomplishes this very well for the most part. It limits the shaky cam, has long lasting still shots when it needs them, and uses slow motion appropriately and in moderation. But none of the pretty-stellar action can compare to the ninjas-fighting-on-the-side-of-a-mountain scene. Ridiculous? Oh absolutely. But awesome? Positively. I was mesmerized as these ninjas dove headfirst off these thousand foot cliffs suspended only by a few ropes. Now clearly this was all done with copious amounts of CGI and no, this is certainly no Avengers in the CGI department. There are definitely some times where it's fake-looking. But for me, it was filmed so well (especially in 3D...WOW!) that I was almost moving in my chair to anticipate dropping off the mountain and dodging ninja swords. It's excellent and was almost worth the pain of the ninja's story being designed specifically around it...almost. 

SCORE: 9/10

They are readying their weapons in case I give
them a bad score.

 

So by now, you might be pretty confused. We have a range of scores from 2.5 all the way to 9 with an average 6.5 in the middle. To be honest, I hate rating movies like this. I liked it and based on overall reviews it seems like a pretty good improvement over its disappointing predecessor. If I saw it for cheap in a bargain bin someday, or it comes on TV/Netflix, I would love to sit down and have a couple of drinks and watch it again. But I have to acknowledge that it has its glaring problems and I can't rate a movie for the action alone (even though sometimes I want to).

If you are still confused as to whether you should see it or not just ask yourself what you have to lose (other than an expensive ticket if you don't know where to go). I don't really think any guys will dislike it and it does have some eye candy for the ladies. 

If you like action like I do, I would definitely see it for the ninja-cliff scene alone. If action isn't your go-to genre, then I would salute this one onward and watch it sometime down the line. 

Pros:

• Ninjas + 3D + fighting on the side of a mountain = me sitting in my seat with a wide-open mouth
• The rest of the action is pretty fun to watch too. I was hardly ever bored when there were guns or swords or rockets on screen
• I enjoyed the cast, particularly Johnson, Tatum (for when he was around) and Palicki. Roadblock and Duke's bantering scenes together were a lot of fun
• Retaliation isn't afraid to raise stakes to absurd proportions and raise the death count. Kind of shocking in a PG-13 movie about kids playthings, but hey...it worked
• If you know going in that it is nuts, it will help you to enjoy it far more. If you dont, well then good luck understanding why ninjas who wear masks and dont talk are running around with swords in a gun fight

Cons:

• The script is trash in both portions, particularly the ninja section
• Mediocre original score
• Villains that are not really all that compelling
• Overall, the plot is generic and/or dumb. The ninja section was designed entirely around having that awesome fight scene
• RZA's cameo was painfully bad
• Tatum and Willis are almost criminally underused which was odd. Especially when Tatum and Johnson had such good chemistry together

Rath's Review Score: 6.5/10