Total Recall

Did you ever see the original Total Recall? The one from 1990 with good ol' Arnie Schwarzenegger?


Well it was ridiculous. 


Copious amounts of gore...
Arnold's ridiculous accent making almost every line a comedic punch line...
Trips to Mars...
Mutants...
Aliens...
Prophetic babies emerging from peoples' stomach...
Swelling/exploding faces...
A three-breasted prostitute...actually, that's not bad...


And one hell of an interesting premise. 


I watched it last night and found that it has aged pretty poorly. The only redeeming quality is that it keeps you guessing until the very end. Think Inception but way more terrible. Let's just say that I am glad movies have evolved greatly since the year of my birth. 


The story (now I'm speaking of the 2012 remake, but it's basically the same) is that Douglas Quaid (played by Farrell this time around) has a dream where he feels like he is doing something more in life. This drives him to go to Rekall (yes, spelled that way) which is a business that puts any memory you want into your head. Quaid chooses a secret agent, but right when they get the needle in his arm to sedate him, something goes terribly wrong. He spends the rest of the movie running and wondering if this is real or if it is Rekall. It becomes interesting because as the audience, you really can't decide if all of this is true, or if it is the special memory package that he ordered.

"I would like to erase the memories of the last several years of my
career...or lack thereof."

This remake, not a reboot mind you, does away with most of the more preposterous aspects of the original. There are no trips to mars or super disturbing mutants, and this PG-13 version takes itself much more seriously. It wants to focus on the story and the action, which I would have been okay with. But honestly, when you strip away all the ridiculousness of the first one, you strip away all of its personality for better or worse. What you are left with is an unoriginal idea encased in unoriginal action. 

Im not sure what's more deadly. The bullets coming out of his gun
or his "blue steel" gaze.

We all know by now that nothing grinds my gears quite like uninspired and unoriginal action. Total Recall has some really cool action sequences but they just are not special. The fighting is quick and visceral. I particularly liked Kate Beckinsale's knee-slide-groin-to-face-punch against Farrell and I only wish that I could be so lucky. But it's pretty much all stuff we have seen before. The same goes for the hovercar chase sequence about half-way through the movie. It's awesome. It looks great. And I was yawning. That's kind of the story of the entire movie actually. It's cool, it's loud, it looks great, but I was bored. 

Kate Beckinsale is a goddess.
Pretty much a clone of perfection.

The performances are good, especially when compared to the original. Farrell definitely has more acting ability than Arnold, but then again, so does a grain of rice...Regardless, everyone puts in an effort here, but nothing stands out as special. All of the roles probably could have been done in each actor and actresses' sleep considering the talent consists of Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, and Bryan Cranston (BREAKING BAD!!!). I find that you seem to notice a lack of acting or an outstanding character a lot more when you have seen a recent film with such powerful performances. And I think that a lot of us, myself included, are going to notice acting-level a lot more in the face of the phenomenal performances delivered in The Dark Knight Rises. But like I said: no one is bad here, just no one is stellar either.  

I usually dont post non-stills, but this one was too good
to pass up. Jessical Biel tweeted: "I found the most
popular girl at Comic-Con!" And yes male fans,
you do get to see them in the movie. All three of
them...

I think that the Total Recall of the 1990's will be remembered far longer than its successor. Not necessarily because it is the better movie, I think that award goes to this remake, but because it had a lot more personality. Among all the Mars scenery, gore, mutants, super weird stomach babies, bulging eyeballs, and a certain lady that is only staying for "Two weeks", it gets stuck in your head because of its outlandishness. 

I will probably forget the 2012 Total Recall by the time next week's movies roll around. 

That's funny for a movie entirely about your memory...

Pros:

• Looks good. Special effects are believable and Jessica Biel, Kate Beckinsale, and the three-breast prostitute all look gorgeous
• Interesting premise that makes you wonder what is really reality and what isn't
• Solid, but forgettable performances
• Features some REALLY cool gadgets. Actually probably my favorite part of the movie
• No but seriously...Kate Beckinsale

Cons:

• Lacks personality and doesn't keep you guessing as well as the original did
• Action is entertaining, but forgettable and average
• Ends kind of weird

Rath's Review Score: 6/10