50 Shades of Grey

Seeing as how I was lucky enough to get an advanced screening of Kingsman it created a rather uncomfortable situation which I had been trying to avoid: seeing 50 Shades of Grey. 

Rather than wait further into the weekend, I figured I would catch a much less crowded Thursday showing and rip the proverbial Band-aid off, so to speak. It wasn't really the film that created one of my more awkward trips to the theater, it was the audience. And I knew that would be the case going in. 

Over 90% of my audience was female, and I'd guess that 70% of that population was drunk to some extent. I was a lone male, trying to "sneak" in and out without being seen so that I could review this damn thing. At one point, a considerably intoxicated woman behind me as we walked in commented, "Oh look! There IS a guy here too!"

Suffice it to say that this was one of those very few times that I was feeling SUPER awkward about going to the movies alone. [SIGH] The things I do for my readers!

As a little background, I have indeed read 50 Shades of Grey (just the first book) pretty much by accident. I read a lot and right around the time the novel was just beginning to get "big" I posed a question on Facebook asking if the series was suitable for men, not really knowing about the subject matter at all. Many females (which should have been my first clue) told me I should read it. Given the covers with ties and handcuffs I sincerely thought that the series was a murder-mystery trilogy. I'm the type of person that, once I start a book, I must finish it. And I won't lie, I was slightly curious to see how everything played out even once I knew what type of book it was. Suffice it to say, 50 Shades of Grey was the worst book I've read in the last 5 years. It had its merits as it somehow made you interested what the relationship between Anastasia and Christian would lead to and I admit, the sex scenes were written well, but the dialogue and character mannerisms were atrocious (don't believe me? Just Google "how many times does Anastasia bite her lip" or "how many times does Christian crane his neck"). My predisposition of the book aside, I have to admit that the movie somewhat intrigued me. The cinematography looked pretty damn good, the soundtrack's early releases have been stellar, and I was curious to see just how far they would go. 

Can't tell if kissing or trying to surgically remove the other person's teeth...

Luckily, for all the book lovers out there and those worried what they were being dragged to this Valentine's Day, 50 Shades of Grey the movie is FAR better than 50 Shades of Grey the book. But again, take that comment with a grain of salt because I pretty much hated the book.

The biggest "win" for the film in my eyes is its approach to the subject matter. It knows how ridiculous and corny the story is, and it decides to have fun with it. Whereas the book took itself far too seriously, much to its detriment, the film is genuinely very funny at times, making light of the absurdity of it all. For me, it helped to make the film less awkward and eye-rolling-ly painful than it would have been had it followed the book strictly. 

Did he just f**k her to sleep?!

For those who don't know (mostly my male audience), 50 Shades of Grey tells the story of college student and virgin, Anastasia Steele, who pretty much stumbles upon young billionaire, Christian Grey, and they begin a "relationship". I put relationship in quotes because it is complicated. Anastasia wants a normal relationship with dates, and cuddling but Christian doesn't do relationships. He does BDSM as a Dominant and wants Anastasia to be his submissive. It's the type of sex that most of the women who read the book like to fantasize about but when literal push would come to literal shove, they would find it appalling (not that I'm an expert or anything). It's very easy to understand why this series was dubbed "mommy porn". The casting of Anastasia and Christian in the film is something that, at one point, everyone cared about. Truth be told, no matter who they would have chosen it would have caused an uproar, but I found Dakota Johnson as Anastasia to be fantastic and Jamie Dornan as Christian to be pretty good. His character is kind of an unlikable one in both the book and film, and he also has most of the corniest lines, but he does the best with what he is given. Dakota Johnson on the other hand, owns the role, and has some exquisite comedic timing. She has a certain innocence about her that is captured well and during the film's sex scenes, she is the one who is taking the most chances. 


Speaking of sex scenes, the film has quite a few of them, many of them quite erotic. However, given how wide a range the R-rating has, I was surprised they didn't push the envelope a little further. There is plenty of nudity (although no full frontal, curiously) and "well choreographed" sex scenes, but given what happens in the book, I thought they would aim to "shock" the audience a bit more. Unfortunately, the sex scenes get worse as the film goes on, losing much of their steam and becoming tedious, although maybe that was the point, given the ending. 

No it's not the mirror depth. Jamie Dornan is actually a Hobbit interested in BDSM

From a production value standpoint, the film shines, featuring better cinematography than a film like this deserves and a soundtrack that is to die for, featuring original songs from many artists (my personal favorite is Ellie Goulding's single). It's also edited pretty well throughout, moving along at a decent pace. 

Continuing onto the flogging of what it does poorly, I would cite the script first. Despite many of the improvements from the book, the script seemed to not be along for the ride featuring some incredibly corny lines that would be laughable even in a Lifetime film. When you are barely 15 minutes into a film and Christian is already saying, "You should steer clear of me. I'm not the guy for you.", you know you have a problem. Some lines are so poor that even the half-crocked, all-female audience I was in started guffawing. Furthermore, Dornan and Johnson have a lack of chemistry when their clothes are on. During the film's sexiest times, their chemistry flies high, but the "romance" of the film is non-existent, save for an awesome date in a glider. It's hard to believe that these two are torn lovers for each other when they seem to only come alive when their junk is hanging out. But to be honest, that's not much different than the book either. 

I will say this about 50 Shades of Grey, I enjoyed it more than I thought I would (mainly due to the comedy), and the creative decisions made are mostly for the betterment of the story. I would still classify it as "trash" simply due to the subject nature of the series and how absurd it all is, but that doesn't necessarily make it bad.

But I can also think of several times where being "bad" was far more pleasureable. 

Like...with movies...and stuff...[SIGHS] Nevermind, I'll see myself out.

CONS:

• The script is laughable at times with some lines being so painful that you can almost see the actors wince as they say it
• Complete lack of romance/chemistry during clothed scenes
• The story is an absurd and unrealistic fantasy for many of the women that hold it in such high regard. Christian Grey is not something they should "aspire" to
• Could have pushed the R-rating further
• An abrupt ending after a rather odd encounter from Anastasia and Christian. I remember the book ending similarly and just wondering, "Wait, what?". The film echoes the same question

PROS:

• The addition of some comedy is wonderful and most of it is genuinely funny. It pokes fun at the subject matter and the film is all the better for it
• Steamy sex scenes
• Great cinematography (surprisingly)
• Fantastic soundtrack, most of which is original songs made for the film
• Dakota Johnson is fantastic as Anastasia and is the core of the film
• Jamie Dornan portrays Christian Grey well, it's just too bad the character sucks in the first place
• Home Depot zip-tie sales after this weekend?

Rath's Review Score: 6/10