Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

It's always hard going back to the movies a week after a film that was as much fun as Guardians of the Galaxy was. But, alas, that is part of the mild slog that comes with doing this blog. Not complaining per say, but when you go from one of the best films of the year to choosing between Into the Storm, Step Up: All In, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it's just a bit painful.

It took me a while to decide which film I wanted to see this weekend. I usually have a soft spot/interest in the Step Up films, but the trailers for this one really weren't doing it for me and the dancing looked very ho-hum.  Into the Storm looked fun enough...but I just wasn't seeing the interest there from many of my readers so I decided to skip it as well.

Thus my decision was made: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles it was!

I'll be honest, I've never been a big fan of the series. Not that I hate it or anything but I just never really got into any of the lore or characters that much. Being born in 1990, I might have been a little too young to really ever show interest in it, but even to this day I really couldn't care less about this franchise. Walking into this reboot I had my expectations set pretty low and truth be told I was quietly wishing that I was seeing Guardians again.

The movie would have been 10x funnier if Will Arnett was
in character as Gob

Wait did J.J. Abrams direct this movie?
All dat lens flare doe

Now, given some of the ways that I usually set up my reviews you may be expecting me to say "I was pleasantly surprised" or something along those optimistic lines. Sadly, that is not the case with this one and it's actually a film that, as time passes, I become less and less impressed with it. This Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a film for the Call of Duty generation, as heard from the 8 year-old behind me saying, "Oh awesome!!" every other scene while his mother was most likely rolling her eyes. It's plot is razor thin, as are its characters. In a movie like this, that's almost a Pro rather than a Con, and let's be honest here, it's a Nickelodeon Ninja Turtles movie...if you were expecting plot, well then God help you. But that still doesn't hide the fact that it feels like a Nickelodeon movie in every scene where there aren't huge special effects. And even in those scenes it still feels a bit like a TV movie despite that it looks cool. Megan Fox does about as well as she has ever done here as the main heroine (which I guess is sort of a back-handed compliment) and Will Arnett probably wins the award for the most woefully underused actor of the year as I didn't laugh once at his lines. Even the turtles, with the exception of Michelangelo, are rather stale. The movie has a hard time placing their maturity level which makes matters a bit confusing. One moment they are super serious about saving the city, seeming like adults, and the next minute they are laughing at a fart joke. Having a tad bit of knowledge with the franchise it seems like the latter is more appropriate for these characters, but the tonal swings the movie makes are odd and inconsistent.

The film desperately needed more funny scenes such as this one ^^

The film's redeeming qualities aside from its painfully average ones are few and far between. I did chuckle in a few spots here and there (an elevator beat boxing scene comes to mind) and the action in the latter half of the movie is kinetic and fun to watch thanks to some slower editing and some well timed slow motion areas. Additionally, I for one kind of like the look of the new turtles. They look aggressive, but with a hint of goofy, although I know a lot of people hate the new look and that's completely understandable. Lastly, and probably my favorite part of the film, was the villain, Shredder. He looks fantastic and his abilities are even cooler. In any other film (aka a more worthwhile one) he would have been the star of the show.

Now THAT is some cool armor.
I'll take one please!

I'm a fanboy of many things, but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles aren't one of them. That may lead to a more critical score, but so be it. If the creators of the film were looking to make a fan out of those who were not before, they failed, at least in my eyes. All that they successfully created in making was a film that I'm quickly forgetting even as I write the review about it.

For such "iconic" characters, it's a shame that they got such a mediocre film.

CONS:

• The film plays like a Nickelodeon TV movie. It just feels like it was meant for TV
• Was there a single worthwhile performance in the whole film? How do you misuse/miscast Will Arnett that poorly?
• Despite not being super familiar with the franchise, I don't feel like the film captured the spirit of it all that accurately. You can't just throw in a few boob jokes and pepperoni pizza slices and hope to please fans
• The rewrites that occurred are painfully obvious throughout the film
• In an already packed summer, this film just was not necessary
• It's safe to say that, at least for this 24 year-old male, at least 90% of the jokes fell flat on their face
• Some shaky special effects
• Forgettable all around...original score, soundtrack, characters, plot, etc. I won't remember this one in a week

PROS:

• I think the turtles look pretty cool. The motion capture is adequate for the low(er) budget nature
• Megan Fox is pretty to look at (side bar: what's up with those lips?)
• Some genuinely funny moments, including an elevator beat boxing scene
• The action in the latter half of the film is fun to watch and filmed decently given the type of audience it's trying to target. An escape down a mountain side is easily the best scene of the film
• Shredder looks awesome and has some sweet abilities
• On the shorter side of two hours

Rath's Review Score: 4.5/10