The Expendables 2

I like to be honest with my readers. So here's an honest statement:

I really did not like the first Expendables movie. I thought it was lame, not funny, and over-hyped. Not to mention it was chock full of missed opportunities. If I was to ever go back and review it now, it would honestly probably get a 4 or 5 out of 10. So yeah, I really didnt enjoy it. 

But that was the first movie...

Summer 2012 (which quite possibly might go down as the best summer for movies ever) started with a bang with the "Instant Classic", 10 out of 10 awesomeness known as The Avengers. It's pretty much safe to say that the summer comes to a close with the release of The Expendables 2 this weekend. There are a few more big releases left in the year such as: The Hobbit, Skyfall, and probably a couple others that I am forgetting. But all in all, this is Summer 2012's last blockbuster. So did we go out with a bang like how we started or did we whimper across the finish line? I'll tell you what we did with the finish line. We punched it in the face, whipped it with chains, told it that "We'd be back", then "Yippee Ki Yay'd" that S.O.B. right in the chest, dressed up in a priest's robes and knifed it repeatedly, told it to "Rest In Pieces", and threw it head first into a helicopter propeller, all AFTER we let Chuck Norris have his way with it for "5 very painful days". I mean, I guess you could say that Summer 2012 went out with a "bang". And I guess you could also say that The Expendables 2 is pretty much the R-rated Avengers and very nearly every bit as awesome. 

Arnie ripping the door off a Smart car so that he can get in with
Bruce Willis as they drive around and shoot tons of people.
Yeah I know...pure genius.

Jean Claude Van Damme as the villain, Vilain. Yes, his name is
only one letter off from being "villain". And yes, he is that bad-ass
that he can do that.

The reason that these Expendables movies get made is so that it can get some of the best action stars from the 80's, 90's, and present day all on screen at the same time, kicking arse, taking names, and making men in cinemas everywhere practically participate in "Jean-creamin time" (Tamland, Brick. Anchorman 2 trailer. 2012) <-- gotta site my sources! But the moral of the story is that if you are going to The Expendables 2 for anything more than great action and the respect for these movie stars, then you are an idiot. That's why most stuck-up critics don't like the movie. They want Oscar-worthiness and perfection all the time. Well dear critics, Im not sure if you have seen Hollywood lately, but that's not what you're going to get! Regardless of that fact, The Expendables 2 doesn't really lack a story surprisingly. It is certainly nothing special, but it's certainly there. 

F**king Chuck Norris. Nuff' said.

What this film succeeds in so so well is its nostalgia, fanboy pleasuring, male bantering, and action sequences. Like I said earlier, it really is an R-rated Avengers. Much like that film, this one is hilarious. The dialogue between the guys is often quick and witty and was almost a comedy at times. I definitely dont remember the first one being funny. Not to mention that Chuck Norris's scenes are pure perfection. His intro had the entire theater in stitches and it took me a good couple minutes to compose myself. Unlike the first film, which in my opinion, featured some very uninspired action sequences that were actually kind of boring, this sequel has FAN-TAS-TIC action. The hand-to-hand combat is intense and amazingly choreographed; there are some really sweet moves in here. And all of the other action set pieces with planes and boats and jetskis and helicopters and guns and tanks and guns and explosions and explosions and cars and guns and explosions are unique and had me entertained the entire time. 

Stallone. Schwarzenegger. Willis. All firing huge guns. On screen.
At the same time. No missed opportunities in this one folks.

I mentioned in the intro of this post that I felt as if the first Expendables had a lot of missed opportunities. And that is why the second one is so fantastic: it makes up for that in spades. You want a bunch of classic one liners delivered from Willis and Schwarzenegger? You got it. You also got the Big Three of action movies fighting together at the same time and making fun of their age. You got Chuck Norris being a one man army. You got Jason Statham absolutely destroying foes. You got Stallone vs. Van Damme. And more. Everyone gets their moment to shine both in the action sense and the comedic sense and for a movie with this large of a call list, that is no small feat. 

So I take it by now that you can see that I absolutely loved The Expendables 2. It was everything the first movie promised to be and so much more. It left me begging for more. I practically need a sequel because this one was so much fun. And rumors are circulating around the Twittersphere that work on a third one is already starting. And guess who might be along for the ride...Nicolas Cage, Harrison Ford, and Clint Eastwood. Now just add in The Rock, Vin Diesel, Liam Neeson, and Sean Connery and I will practically donate money to get that movie made. 

Summer 2012 also has had another unique quality: ridiculously cool posters.

Pros:

• NO MISSED OPPORTUNITIES. Everything that I wanted to happen actually happened. I was like a giddy school boy in the theater: "Oh I hope that Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger start shooting a bunch of bad guys together!" Then it actually happened. Just freakin' awesome
• Almost a comedy at times. The banter between the guys is well-written and shows some thought went into the jokes
• Chuck Norris doesn't appear in your movie. He allows the movie to be made while he is going about his day-to-day activities
• Fantastic cast...duh
• The action is phenomenal. Not necessarily anything that you havent seen before, but just very well done. Particularly the hand-to-hand combat
• The soundtrack was not Hans Zimmer-level, but it was better than I expected it to be
• Just so much damn fun. And isn't that what the movies are for?

Cons:

• The story is present, but super cliched by now. Revenge, Russians, and nuclear-grade plutonium. See what I mean?
• Although the action was great, I really wish there would have been some more inspiration behind it. Give me something I have never even thought of before
• There is a really weird grainy texture to the lens at times. It isn't present all the time so it makes it distracting when it is

Rath's Review Score: 9/10

At this point, I am just so happy that I began this blog when I did. Summer 2012 has been one for the record books. Hell, all of 2012 has been fantastic. We have gotten so many fantastic movies. A deep and stirring survival classic, The Grey (RRS: 9/10)...a super realistic war movie, Act of Valor (RRS: 9/10)...a classic comedy that came out of nowhere...21 Jump Street (RRS: 9.5/10)...a fantastic book adaptation...The Hunger Games (RRS: 8.5/10)...a perfect 3D re-release, Titanic (RRS: 10/10 -- Instant Classic)...a horror movie that constantly surprises you, The Cabin in the Woods (RRS: 8.5/10)...the nerdgasm-inducing superhero behemoth, The Avengers (RRS: 10/10 -- Instant Classic)...a relentlessly paced sci-fi great, Prometheus RRS: 9/10)...the surprise hit of the summer, Rock of Ages (RRS: 9.5/10)...a touching and fun reboot, The Amazing Spider Man (RRS: 8.5/10)...a visceral Oliver Stone classic, Savages (RRS: 9/10)...a poignant end to one of the best trilogies of all time, The Dark Knight Rises (RRS: 10/10 -- Instant Classic)...a dance movie with moves so crazy that it gave me chills, Step Up Revolution (RRS: 8.5/10)...and now a film that closes the summer on a supremely high note, The Expendables 2 (RRS: 9/10). 

Seriously people, it is a great time to be a movie lover. If the world does indeed end on December 21st (which it won't) then with respect to movies, I can die very, very happy.